Memoirs of a Werewolf
by faeriegirl5617
Summary: Jacob POV. Post-Eclipse. Jacob comes back before the wedding and Bella promises to return. And then when things start to go terribly wrong... can anyone return to what things were?
1. Prologue

Prologue

-"Come back, brother. She needs you" Seth´s voice played again and again in my mind as I ran towards home. Or where he was, anyways.

I had once believed that home would be where my beloved was, waiting for me. Not this time, because she was with him.

What would she want with me? I could not imagine. She had been very especific when she chose him, and not me. Did she not understand how I had felt when I heard she was going to marry him? Deep in my heart I had always known she would not choose me, although I had hoped, but now I know. That was precisely why I had run away. After seeing the invitation to her wedding, it was just so much.

_I´m breaking the rules by sending you this_ his elegant script played behind my eyes. Why had he done this? Could he have known that I would run away? Could he have done it on purpose so that I would not interfere with his wedding? _No, she loves her too much _a nagging little voice said in the back of my mind. And unfortunately it sounded so right. I silenced it before it could tell me all the truths.

Yet I could not stop the sudden thoughts that came floding into my mind.

She could have never chosen me because I had come after him, perhaps if things had been different, if I had come before him, she might have chosen me. I would have treated her like an equal, like my best friend. I would not have left her, so hurt, thinking about her safety; I would have stood next to her for all our lives. I would have given her anything she desired.

But I would never know. Damn her bloodsucker.

She said she loved me, but if this is what love felt like, I didn´t want to feel anything.

I shook my head and concentrated on the way ahead. Paw after paw. The wind in my fur. The sound of animals all around me. Not Jacob Black, only a wolf heading back to his pack.

There was no Bella here, only nature. _But you are running back to her…_

No, not again. I would deal with it when I got home. There was no point in worrying now, it would do me no good.

So I kept going, trying to forget her face, her laugh, her eyes, her voice as she said she loved me. But I was running straight back to her.


	2. Coming back has it s consequences

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all of the characters. **

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Chapter 1.- coming back has it´s consecuences

-"Jacob, why did you come back?" Seth whined again.

We were in my house and for the first time in weeks I was human. It was very hard not to run away again and that put me in a bad mood.

Seth was really tired of me, he said all I did was sleeping and eating.

-"Jacob?" he said again.

I sighed.

-"Because you told me to" it was part of the truth.

-"I told you to come home and visit Bella. You´ve been here for a week and she has been coming, asking for you. What am I supposed to do? Tell her you´re back but you don´t want to see her? We´re talking about the woman you love! Do something instead of just moping around!"

I didn´t reply, I didn´t want to. I had wanted to see Bella and before I came to La Push I had stopped by her house, but it had been empty, she had probably been with the leech.

-"Just go and see her, man" Seth said before leaving.

He was right, I needed to see her.

-"Dad! I´m going to see Bella" I shouted before leaving.

I took my car, I didn´t want to phase for fear that I would run again. It was really tempting to do just that. Running away and never, ever, coming back.

But I couldn´t. La Push was were I belonged, with or without Bella, this would always be my home.

I parked my car a few feet from Bella´s. She was in her house alright. And alone. Only her truck was in the driveway. I was amazed that her bloodsucker had left her alone.

_Or maybe he heard you coming _again that annoying voice!

I decided to knock, I didn´t want to intrude in whatever she was doing by entering through her window. I waited.

Then the door opened. And there she was. Brow-eyed, clumsy Bella. She just stared at me with wonder and didn´t speak at all. Her eyes just kept looking into my face.

I chuckled.

-"Aren´t you going to invite me in? Am I really that scary?"

A corner of her mouth pulled up in a half smile. But her eyes watered and a broken whisper escaped her lips.

-"Jacob" was all she said before hugging me.

I hugged her back and the tears started to fall. She was sobbing.

_Well done, smart ass. You made her cry! _The voice continued in my head.

-"Shh, it´s alright, honey. I´m back. Don´t cry." But she just hugged me tighter.

After what seemed like an eternity she pulled away.

-"I´m sorry, it´s just that I´ve missed you so much" she said wiping the tears.

I smiled gently at her. I had missed her two and even now, all blotchy and with puffed eyes, she was a sight for my sore eyes.

-"I missed you two, Bells" I whispered back.

She smiled at me before ushering me inside. We sat down in the sofa.

-"So where is your lee- Edward?"

-"Billy called and said you where coming. So I sent him away, I needed to see you alone"

-"And he left you? All alone? With me? That´s a plus!" I chortled.

-"He had to leave, anyways" she mumbled.

-"Hunting?" I inquired. Why did she look ashamed?

-"No, Alice won´t let him be close to me, because of the wedding"

I should have known the psychic hyperactive pixie would prohibit them any contact. What I couldn´t understand was why she would do that when the wedding wasn´t supposed to happen for a few days more.

I frowned.

-"Why? The wedding is not for a few days"

She looked at me with her big brown eyes.

-"Jake, do you know what day it is?"

My frown increased. I really had no idea what day it was. When I came back no one told me and didn´t ask, it didn´t really matter.

-"No"

She took my hand.

-"Today is August 12. The wedding is tomorrow." She whispered.

I didn´t move.

Could I have been gone that long? When you´re wolf, the passing of the days has no meaning at all. But still I had believed I had come back earlier than that.

_The wedding is tomorrow_ her voice said again.

Tomorrow she would really become his. Tomorrow she would become the wife of a vampire. And soon after she would become a vampire herself. Tomorrow was the first step to becoming another person, another Bella. _Tomorrow. _

-"Jake? Are you alright?" she said as she shook me as hard as she could.

I snapped back into reality.

-"Yes, yes. I´m alright, just hadn´t realized that it was tomorrow."

-"Oh, I´m sorry" she said looking at her lap.

I didn´t reply and the silence grew uncomfortable.

_Tomorrow_ the little voice sang in my head. Would it ever shut up!?

-"Jake?" she said in a little voice.

-"Yes, Bells?"

-"Will you be there tomorrow?" she was looking at her lap again.

I sucked in a breath.

Could I be there tomorrow? _She wants you there!_ Could I watch her marry another man and still smile at her when she left for her honeymoon? _Don´t be a coward. _Could I do all that and still keep my sanity?

I closed my eyes as this thoughts circled my mind. I opened them again and tilted her chin to look into her eyes.

Deep chocolate pools of feelings. Could I hurt her again?

-"I don´t think I can."

I saw the hurt in her eyes and I felt the need to explain.

-"It´s too much for me. To see you walk down the aisle and not be the man waiting at the end of it. I am not that strong. But I wish you all the happiness"

Her eyes started to fill with tears.

-"I´m so sorry, Jake. I should have known better, but I needed to see you one last time before the wedding."

Her voice broke at the end.

-"Why?"

-"Because I needed to make things right" she was sobbing again.

I hugged her, there was nothing more to do. I could not tell her I would be there.

Some time later she stopped crying.

_She has cried twice since you got here. How many more before you go? _

-"I have to go now. Billy is waiting for me." I said as I stood up. I didn´t want her to cry for me again. Or I would never be able to leave.

She held onto my hand as she looked up at me.

-"I will come back, Jake. I promise" she whispered.

The intensity of her gaze made me look away. I couldn´t answer her so instead I leaned down and placed a kiss on her tear-stained cheek.

-"Goodbye, Bells" I said before leaving.

* * *

As I drove home, her promise was still in my mind.

_I will come back _her voice played in my mind again and again.

And oh! How I wanted to believe!

But I knew better… if she did come back, she wouldn´t be Bella anymore, she would be one of them, a bloodsucker.

What she had always wanted. And what he had always denied her. Why give in now?

I shook my head but the thoughts would not go away.

When I got home I went directly into my room and crashed into my mind. Waiting for sleep to come to rid me of the thoughts in my mind.

And sleep finally came, but it was not a dreamless sleep as I had hoped. Neither were they pleasant dreams… definetely not pleasant.

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	3. Dreaming about tomorrow

**Disclaimer: it all belongs to SM**

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Chapter 2.- Dreaming about tomorrow

I was running, running. Deeper into the forest, trying to escape.

Somebody was after me, one of _them_, maybe two. But I couldn't see anybody, all I knew was that I had to keep on running and somehow I knew that if I got out into the light it would all be alright.

I tried to phase but I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. There was no wolf inside of me, but still I was very fast. Yet I was not fast enough to outrun them forever.

Again my only hope was to reach a clearing or to get our of the forest. I had to find the light.

So I just kept on running and I saw light ahead. I ran faster.

There was a flash of white on my right followed by a flash of black on my left.

So there were two. And I was surrounded. The light grew in front of my eyes and I broke through the leaves.

I finally reached the clearing. Golden rays were falling on white lilies.

I sighed. I was safe now.

There was a crunching sound behind me, as if someone had stepped on a branch. I turned around quickly scanning the trees cautiously.

-"Who goes there?" I yelled.

There was the shuffling of feet and a small voice replied.

-"Jacob?" she said in her wondrous voice.

-"Bells? Get out of the forest now. It's not safe."

I started towards the forest again, I needed to find her and keep her safe. But she appeared in front of me, in a midnight blue dress, knee-length. Her face was partially hidden by the leaves in front of her, but I could see her soft lips and her brown waves cascading down her dress.

I put my hand towards her, she needed to get out of the shadows now. It was dangerous.

-"I can't Jacob"

This puzzled me, why couldn't she come next to me?

I saw her mouth curve into a small smile.

-"Because it isn't safe"

-"Yes it is, Bells. In there isn't safe. Out here it is alright"

And she laughed as if I had said the funniest thing in the world.

What was wrong with her? It was not funny that she was in danger.

-"Do you really believe that? That I am safer with you?"

That was a stab in the back directly into my heart. She was safer with me than with her bloodsucker, did she not see that I would not hurt her as her bloodsucker had hurt her. She would always be my priority and I would keep her safe and happy, away from him. There was no question about it, she was definetely safer with me because I, for one, did not want to eat her, drink her blood and kill her. I wanted her for what she was, not because she smelled nice. Although she did smell nice that was beside the point.

She must have seen something in my face because she laughed again.

-"You really believe it!"

She laughed some more but suddenly she was very serious.

-"I am safer with Edward. And I love him. I chose him, not you. And there is nothing you can do about it, Jacob." She said this coldly, without any feelings. It was as if she had twisted the knife inside the wound.

She loved him, but she also loved me. And now there was nothing to do because she had chosen him.

-"It's alright if you don't love me anymore. But you have to get away from him." I said this with the same cold tone she had used.

She just laughed some more and I saw a white hand wrapping itself around her waist and there he was. Edward. The bloodsucker that had taken her away from me. He was wearing a white shirt and there were small red spots sparkled on it.

-"I'm afraid it's too late for that, Jacob"

-"What do you mean? What have you done to her? I swear that if you hurt her…"

But she started laughing again.

-"Silly Jacob, Edward would never hurt. He can't hurt me now."

-"I don't understand"

They both laughed this time.

-"You haven't told him Bella?" he said looking at her.

She giggled and shook her head.

-"That's not very nice, Bella. You should at least let you former best friend know. After all he was the one who kept you together when I left." He said with mock disaproval .

Now I was seriously confused. Since when his departure was a laughing joke? I remember very clearly how broken she was and I could imagine he was not better.

-"Show me what?"

He looked at me and smiled. He pushed Bella to the front.

-"Go on, Bella. Step into the light, love."

She strode forward, confidently. Since when was Bella confident?

She stepped into the light and I gasped.

She was not Bella.

Bella didn't have blood red eyes. Bella's eyes were brown.

And Bella most definetely did not sparkle.

And she smiled at me, showing her perfect white teeth complete with small fangs.

-"You see, Jacob. You can't take her away from me, because we will be together until the end of time. She is my wife and my mate. And there is nothing you can do about it"

I was speechless. How could I not know?

-"I could never be with you, especially now" she said eyeing me with curiosity.

I did not reply. What could I say? She was a leech now, his leech.

-"And now, what we came for. You know, Jacob, about a vampire's never-ending thirst."

I still said nothing. He knew I knew. He was just teasing me, but his message was cryptic.

-"I wanted Bella's first meal to be special. Something she would always remember. Something that would simbolize the end of her human life and the beginning of her life with me"

I frowned. What the hell was he talking about? What animal could be so important to her and have so many meanings. Maybe a swan...

-"And I thought: what's better than Jacob. He meant so much to her when she was human and now he means nothing. Because they can never be together now... So we are here."

And I understood the moment she jumped on me. A white flash to my right followed by a black flash... no, not black but blue, midnight blue.

There was pain everywhere and I was struggling to get out her grasp.

I woke up on the floor of my room, with the sheets tangled on my legs.

It had all been a dream.

* * *

The day moved on and I stayed home, alone. Everyone was at the wedding, even Sam and Emily. Everyone incluiding my father.

Everyone except Leah. Perhaps she could help me survive this day or at least keep me occupied until the others come back. So I decided to go to her house, anything would be better than staying all alone in my house wondering how the wedding had gone and hoping that something had ocurred to change their plans, something to keep her from becoming a leech´s wife.

A while later I was knocking on Leah´s house. She opened after a while.

-"Jacob what are you doing here? Shouldn´t you be watching how your beloved gets married to another?" Typical Leah, she didn´t even say hello.

-"And shouldn´t you be there too? Shooting daggers through your eyes to Sam and Emily?"

-"Touché, Jacob"

But she didn´t smile and I sighed.

-"I couldn´t go, Leah, I couldn´t watch her marry my mortal enemy"

-"And how do I end up in this picture?"

-"Well, I thought that if someone could help me with this whole being rejected thing, would be you"

-"Yeah sure, come to Leah, she is the expert at being dumped" she said sarcastically. I had hurt her, I could see it in her eyes.

-"I didn´t mean it that way"-she arched an eyebrow-"I just- I just don´t want to be alone and you are the only one that´s home and I thought that"-she was staring at me-"I honestly don´t know what I was thinking, so I´ll just go now"

I was turning my back when she reached out to hold my arm. I looked at her and she immediately let go of me.

-"I understand, Jacob, you can come in if you like, we could talk and maybe watch a movie after"

She smiled at me as she opened the door wider for me to pass through.

We sat in her living room, in front of the TV, she was channel browsing and finally settled on discovery channel.

-"Honestly Leah? Why do you watch this channel if you can just go outside and enjoy it all with your wolf sense?"

I sort of just blurted it all.

-"Because, I like to pretend, that none of that exist. That I´m just me. Human, normal Leah. It makes me feel safe." She whispered.

I had no idea she really felt that bad about it, I mean, of course I knew she did not enjoy this. But I never imagined that she suffered about it. She made no secret of how she hated things, from Sam to being a werewolf and the whole imprinting thing. Yet she masked her hurt so well, with snyde comments and all, that we all thought she was a rotten person; but for the wrong reasons, she was not rotten, she was broken inside. So many things had happened to her, and her only way of protecting herself was by hurting others. I had been so wrong about her.

-"I´m sorry, Leah. I didn´t know"

The ghost of a smile appeared on her face.

-"Because I chose not to tell you, and nobody suspected anything. So I´m a very good actress"

I had to smile at that.

We spent a while in each others company, nothing but silence between us. But it was not akward, it somehow felt right.

-"Do you really think about me that way?" she suddenly asked, bringing me down from my cloud.

-"In what way?"

-"As if I was the expert in being dumped?" she whispered.

-"No, you know that I don´t think about you in that way. I just thought you would be a nice person to hang out with."

She barked a laugh.

-"That´s bull. Tell me why you are here. Ask me the question that has been in your lips since you got here" she snapped at me.

_Someone´s in trouble... _

Could I bear my heart out to the woman who appeared to have no heart at all?

I drew in a breath and asked her.

-"How did you move on? How did you continue after what happened to you, after what he did?"

She smiled.

-"Do you really think I have moved on? Gotten over him?"

Her question caught me off guard. I had really thought she would slap me or something for being so inquisitive about her private life.

-"I think that you have. To some extent"

-"You see, Jacob, that´s the problem. I can´t forget him, I can´t move on when I have to see him everyday. It´s not humanly possible. But I have a theory; I believe that when you fall in love again or, in our case, imprint, you forget all your past loves and with them your pains."

-"If you haven´t gotten over him..."

-"When someone breaks your heart, you have two choices: one, you can either hate them for the rest of your life and waste it all away; or you can be happy that they found somebody else to trouble with their so-called love and simply move on."

Interesting, and most importantly right. She was somewhat of a genius.

An evil genius.

-"What did you choose?"

-"That´s for me to know and for you to figure out. But just listen to me, just this one time, don´t be like me."

What was wrong with her? First she did not want me near her and now she´s giving me advice?

And knowing you, you will probably try to solve the mistery that Leah Clearwater is.

Perhaps, when we are both ready.

-"Do you believe in love?"

And there you go... what happened to being ready?

She snorted.

-"Once, but not now. Do you?"

I thought about it. And Bella´s face came up along with her leech. Sam and Emily, holding hands... they had love, but not me.

-"Yes, I believe that there is someone out there for me. Maybe not my soulmate, my other half; but something lighter yet stronger. Someone who will love me for what I am but who will also have the choice of leaving me and yet not leave."

-"Man, stop watching so many girly movies... What do you think about imprinting?"

-"I think that it´s just a bad joke played by the gods. Sure, it would be nice to have someone imprinted on, but not being able to walk away, because you are forever stuck with them... now that seems totally unfair"

-"Definetely, being stuck with someone, putting up with their crap for all eternity... not my idea of love."

-"I thought you didn´t believe in love"

-"I don´t, but when I did, that was not my idea of love"

I snorted. She was indeed a mystery.

-"So do you want to go out for a run?" I asked forgetting her earlier statement.

-"No, Jake, I already told you that I won´t phase unless it´s absolutely necessary."

-"Oh, right..."

Then it hit me. She had called me by my nickname... not pup or mongrel, not even Jacob.

And I started to laugh. She turned to me with one eyebrow raised.

-"What´s your problem? What´s so funny?"

Her voice was hurt. She thought I was laughing about her. I stopped laughing and looked at her.

-"You called me Jake"

-"That´s your name isn´t it? I still don´t see what funny about your name... perhaps your face is funny, but I don´t think your name is that weird."

I shook my head.

-"Forget it Leah. Let´s just watch a movie. Ok?"

* * *

A while later, the front door opened and both Seth and Sue tumbled in. Seth had his arm around his mother and was blabbering stupidities.

-"Leah! Come and help me with your idiot brother"

-"Is that how you treat your only son mom? I´m hurt" said a giggling Seth.

-"I do, when my only son has had one too many glasses of wine" snapped Sue.

Idiot Seth had gotten drunk... on wine! You can´t get any stupidier than that. He must have drank the whole supply of wine at the party... it´s not easy for a werewolf to get drunk.

Leah didn´t move or even answer her mother. And when I stood over her I saw that she was asleep.

So I just stood up and proceeded to take Seth off Sue´s shoulders.

-"Jacob? Why are you here? And where´s my sister?" he asked me.

His eyes were glazy and his tie was half undone.

-"She´s in the living room. I think she fell asleep."

-"Worn her out didn´t you man?" he said giggling.

I just sighed, it was not worth answering his stupid question. But suddenly he stopped.

-"Wait. You and Leah..."

-"Drunken pup. Of course not! Just keep on walking"

He smiled and kept on walking. When I reached his room, I dumped him on the bed.

-"Seth, just out of curiosity... how many glasses of wine did you have?"

-"I don´t know... Emmett kept on giving them to me... something about keeping appearences and him not being able to drink it and get drunk..."

And with that he fell asleep.

I chuckled and closed the door. I stopped by the living room to say goodbye.

-"Goodnight Sue, Leah."

-"Night, Jake." She answered sleepily.

Her mother just waved at me.

And so i just got out of her house. Knowing much more than what I had expected.

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**Thanks to Ibella999 for being my "beta" :) **

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	4. Waiting

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything. **

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Chapter 3.- Waiting 

I woke up the next day feeling better, I had not dreamt abour her anymore but she was still in my mind but just like a presence. I was begining to understand the term "haunting memories"

I smiled, thinking about last night. Who would have ever thought Seth would get drunk? And the best part was that someone else had done, the bad part was that the person who had done it was a bloodsucker. And he had gotten Seth drunk in one of his brother´s weddings. On her wedding.

_Don´t go there you moron. It will only rip you apart. _

The first logical thing the voice had ever said.

I sighed. It was right.

I got up and went to the kitchen. I was hungry.

-"Hey, Jake. You´re up early" My father called from the living room.

-"Oh really? And what time is it?" I called back.

-"Early" he chuckled.

Sometimes i thought that he was loosing his mind with his vague comments, but now I was sure that it was just him. And sometimes he knew just the right thing to say to get me to feel better.

There was silence. Not akward just silence.

-"You should have gone last night, you know. She missed you, but she said she understood."

I grabbed an apple and sighed. He had to bring it up didn´t he?

-"I couldn´t go dad, I just couldn´t."- I said sadly- "But how was it? Did you have fun at a bloodsucker´s wedding?" sarcasm laced my voice.

-"lt was all right, Jake. The pack didn´t stay long, they all left after the service. Only Seth stayed. Emmett got him drunk and at the end, when Seth could barely stand up, his blond mate hit him in the head for getting him drunk. Although I must admit it was pretty funny."

I imagined it. Emmett would have been laughing his head out and his mate would have hit him in the head and then he would have tried to apologize; then Seth would have probably intervened and due to his drunkeness the would have all ended up laughing.

My father kept on blabblering about the wedding. Hadn´t he understood that I was asking to be polite? I had no interest whatsoever abut her wedding. I only heard half of it. Something about being decorated excessively and yet still being simple. As if I cared...

-"And, Jake, she told me to tell you that you shouldn´t forget her promise, whatever that means. We all understood why you weren´t there. Even Edward..."

Something inside of me snapped.

-"No, you don´t understand! None of you understand and least of all him. He doesn´t understand what I´m going through because he is the one who got the girl"- I was trembling, trying to control the wolf inside of me from bursting through but I couldn´t stop yelling, I had to get it all out.-"And the worst part is that he even dares to think that he understands! There is only one person who could possibly understand what I´m going through and she is not here! Don´t try to tell me that you understand, Dad, because you don´t..." the last part was a whisper.

_Calm down. Don´t loose it. _

But as suddenly as I had gotten angry it all went away and I fell to the ground. There was no anger now, perhaps there was sadness but somehow I felt empty, hollow. Like I had gotten everything out.

I looked at my father with empty eyes.

-"Are you all right?" he asked.

It was a stupid question. How could I be alright? The woman I had love so desperately had gone on a honeymoon with my eternal enemy and she would come back as one of them. She would become my enemy and I would be tempted to kill her if I ever saw her again. If that was me being alright, something was wrong with this world.

_He means if you are about to explode into a wolf and rip him to pieces. You know what? You´re one messed-up dude. _

I stood up and looked at my father. He was worried, that much was clear in his eyes. But I thought I saw a glint of fear underneath.

-"No, I´m not. I´m going out."

And with that I left my father, sitting on his wheelchair, staring worriedly at my back.

A gush of wind shook my hair, blowing it into my eyes. I shook it out angrily.

And for the first time I thought of cutting it. After all the only reason why I was leaving it long was because she had liked it better. But now that she was gone, what was the point? It could be my way of moving on, a way of forgetting her.

_You won´t do it. You can´t do it and you know it. You can´t let her go,_ _try all you want but you can never let go. She is a part of you as much as you are a part of her. _

No, I want to try. I want to try and put it all behind me. I want to move on and find someone that belongs at my side like no one else does.

_Try all you want. But you can´t escape her memory. _

Perhaps I will someday forget, you never now what could happen.

Maybe you will forget her face, her voice, her smile. But you will never forget the time together, that time in which you were the happiest.

Why was that damned voice always right? I could never forget Bella, because she was part of me and no matter how hard I tried, she would always haunt me.

But perhaps I could make her memory haunt me in a less awful way, not forgetting her, maybe someday I would be able to see her in the eyes and not feel empty because she is at his side, maybe I would look at her and be thankful that she loved me, even though it was less than what I had expected... maybe, just maybe I could also find someone that would love me.

I jumped up. That was it! _Find someone_. That was what I was going to do. Find someone that could love me, maybe even imprint on me.

_Great idea! And how are you going to get someone to imprint on you? _

I will just go somewhere. A big city, full of people. Somewhere I could have a chance at meeting a girl.

And with what money are you going to get to a big city?

And then I phased.

I wasn´t going to the closest city. I wanted to get away. So I just continued all over the coast.

I got to a small city and just walked around, seeing girls, waiting for someone to catch my eye. But nobody did. They all seemed dull, boring.

Maybe it´s because you are so picky.

Another brunette passed by me. And I watched her carefully until she looked at me, but I felt nothing. What was wrong with me? I didn´t even look at anyone who wasn´t a brunette.

You want another Bella.

And why was that so bad? I wanted someone like her, but also different, because she would love me. So, why is that bad? Why is finding someone for yourself is wrong?

It´s wrong when you are looking for someone for the wrong reasons. Why are you doing this?

Get out of my head! I screamed silently and for once nobody replied.

But the doubt was already there. Indeed, why was I doing this? I kept asking myself as I toured the city. The name no longers matters, because I never noticed where I was going and I didn´t bother to check. All I remember is that it was near the ocean... and I also remember leaving that city behind at nightfall. Heading back to my home. Because I had been there looking for love because someone else had denied me.

Somedays I would go to the beach, First Beach to be exact. It got boring after a while, because it all just reminded me of her. If I went there I would sit on _our _tree. Other times I would just stay home and work in my car. But then I´d remember when she sat there and watched me work.

And doing nothing was definetely the worst thing I could do, or not do. Because it only gave me time to think. And I usually ended up thinking of the what ifs. For example: what if Edward was not a vegetarian? What if I had come before? What if I had asked before he asked her? And at the end I would just end up shaking my head and cursing myself.

Being a wolf was not a relief either. The pack was pissed off at me. Wonder why... I mean I only said Bella´s name and they were already groaning in my head. So they warned me, either I stopped phasing or just shut up and think absolutely nothing. The second choice did not work for me, it´s not that I didn´t try, it´s just that I couldn´t do it. So I stopped phasing.

Who knew one could have so much free time?

And then Billy asked me to go check on Charlie. How could I refuse? It´s not like I had anything better to do...

So I went to his house. Once Bella´s. Now only Charlie´s.

He greeted me, and led me into the living room. He looked sleep-deprived and somehow thinner.

We sat down on the couch and the silence was akward.

-"So, Jake, have you heard anything about Bella?" he asked akwardly.

That caught me off guard. He was her father. Shouldn´t he know about her?

-"Mmmmm... no. Should I?"

-"I´m just worried. She hasn´t called me. And I know it´s her honeymoon and all... but I just can´t help worrying. I mean after all that he put her through?"

-"Right..."

Where was he going with this?

-"Look, I know it´s not the best time, but I´m really sorry that Bella did not choose you"

I think my eyes were the size of saucers.

-"Yeah... I´m sorry too"

-"I mean, after all you did to help her get out of her deppression... I just thought you would end up with her."

-"Well that makes two of us" I whispered back.

But he didn´t hear me, he was too busy watching the sports channel.

I got up to leave. Again, I had nothing better to do, but I just couldn´t stay here with Charlie. In her house. It was just too much, too soon.

-"I better get back, Billy is waiting for me. Have any messages for him?"

-"No, Jake. Thanks for the company, really"

-"Sure, sure, no problem"

I continued to walk towards the door.

-"It feels so empty without her. I miss her already... I feel like she was taken from my arms."

If only he knew... She was not taken, she was ripped from all of us. Not our of our arms, out of our hearts. By that bloody leech and his family.

But I couldn´t tell him that. What would I say? "hey, Charlie, I just came to tell you that Bella got married to a 108-year-old vampire and you will most likely never see her again because she will come back as a vampire too. And she will try to suck your blood and kill you. Oh, and I´m a werewolf" if Charlie didn´t have a heart attack in that moment he would surely end up in a lunatic asylum. If Bella ever returned she would never forgive me.

So I just smiled at him and walked out the door.

Weeks had already passed and the sadness had dissipated. Now I was frustated.

She said she would return, but she was in her honeymoon... how long was I supposed to wait for her? It was killing me.

Maybe that´s what she wanted.

The voice was back! I thought it would never come back... and now it was putting ideas in my head.

Bella would never do that to me. She said she would come back and I wanted to believe but now I knew better. I had spent so much time thinking about her, that I was conviced she would never come back as a human.

Waiting. Wait. I hated those words. They were empty, it just meant someone would be on hold for you. When you tell someone to wait for you, you don´t think about how it must feel. And sometimes you even wonder why you asked that person to wait for you, because you never planned on going back. And then you won´t call that person and tell them to stop waiting for you because you are never coming back, you just asume that person forgot about you the way you forgot about them. But not many people stop to think about how that person is really doing, waiting for your call, for any sign that you remember your promise; and maybe they´ll spend their whole lives wondering why you never came back. But only the very brave ones dare to pick up the phone, call them and destroy someone´s illusion. Because that was waiting meant: hope and illusion.

Wow! You really are bitter. Can´t you remember what Leah told you?

I remember most of the things she said because they were things that I never thought her capable of feeling and much less telling.

You only listen to what you want to... she said: "don´t be like me". Now let us think back. How is Leah? What could she possibly mean by that phrase?

Don´t be like me... Leah is always trying to make Sam miserable for what he did to her and she hates Emily. So that would be inducing pain and guilt and also hate. Which makes her...

...Bitter!

I groaned. I was becoming like Leah! How could I stop this? I already tried finding someone, and that most definetely did not work. Forgetting Bella only made me think of her more. What to do?

You really are a moron. Go ask Leah how to do that.

I hate it when the voice is right. Besides what the hell was that voice? The voice of my ancestors? My concience? An alter ego?

Nope. You´re just going crazy.

I sighed and walked Leah´s. After knocking for a while, Seth opened. He looked like he was going somewhere.

-"Hey, were are you going?"

-"To the Cullen´s. I have to beat Emmett, he has to pay for getting me drunk" he said chuckling.

I just stared at him. What was I supposed to say? Have fun? Give him some good punchs for me? Say hello to the family?

He must have noticed my silence and decided that the wise thing to do was shutting up.

-"And, why are you here?" he asked, pretending not to have said anything.

-"Came to see Leah. She is home, right?" I asked trying to look over his shoulder.

-"Yeah, she´s watching TV. Come on in. I was just leaving" he opened the door and stepped out after I got in.

-"Bye Jake. Have fun with my sister" he said carelessly.

I raised my eyebrows. I could use this to my advantge. I hadn´t had fun in so long...

-"Sure, sure" I said smiling at him.

He seemed to catch on because he went pale and his eyes got as big as plates.

-"No, no, no. I didn´t mean it that way." He said stuttering. I started laughing at him.

-"Neither did I. Goodbye, Seth" I said closing the door on his face. I imagine it must not be nice to have someone else close the door to your house on your nose.

I chuckled all the way to the living room. I found her watching a soap opera on TV, she was lying on her side and looked like she was barely paying attention.

-"Hi, Leah!" I said cheerily.

She jumped up and glared at me. She must have been really lost in her little world not to notice that I was in her house.

I sat next to her with a silly grin on my face.

-"What are you doing here?" she spat at me.

-"Can´t I come and see my new best friend?"

-"Best friend? Since when?" she said sarcastically

-"Hey, no need to be so hurtful! First you don´t say hello and then you despise my friendship!" I said pretending to sound hurt.

-"I´ll say hello when you come into my house invited. Besides how can I despise a friendship that doesn´t even exist?"

Man, she was in a bad mood.

-"Ouch! That went directly into my heart" I pretended to plunge a dagger to my heart.

-"Seriously, why are you here?"

-"Straight to the point huh? Well, no biggie. I came to see you because I rememeber that you told me not to be like you, and I have been contemplating all the possible meanings of that phrase but I just can´t seem to understand. Tell me, Leah, what did you mean?"

-"You know exactly what I mean. And apparently my advice fell on deaf ears."-she paused to look at me-"you are here, because you are bitter already, and you need help." It wasn´t a question.

I stared back. Was I that easy to read?

-"Well, yeah..." I started but she interrupted.

-"Stop wasting your time, how can I help you if I can´t even help myself?"

-"Didn´t think about it that way" I muttered.

-"What have you been doing lately?"

-"Nothing important. Why?"

-"You mean, thinking of her, right?"-she chuckled-"you need to get over her, it´s as simple as that." She said as if it were the most obvious thing.

-"So are you saying that you got over Sam? You got over him and you are still bitter? Then what was the whole point of letting go?" I didn´t mean to say it so rudely, I was honestly curious.

I stared at her and hurt flashed in her eyes. But she was serious now.

-"I didn´t. But I have stopped waiting for him to come back... because he ain´t coming back. You know what Jake? Sometimes to stay in one piece you have to let go of the thing that keeps you together"

-"But I can´t. I can´t let her go and I don´t know if I´m still waiting for her because one can only wait for so long before hope begins to die. And I´m afraid hope already died" I said, looking down.

She sighed.

-"I wish I could help, but there´s nothing I can do. It´s all up to you. Go home, Jake. Eat some ice cream, go to bed and pray for good dreams" she said.

I smiled weakly at her. She had helped me, somehow... I just had to figure out how exactly she had helped me.

I sat in her couch a little longer, not wanting to leave, delaying the moment in which I would have to go back and face my nightmares. It was already late afternoon and I couldn´t delay it forever.

And then the phone rung. Leah sighed, turned off the TV and went to pick up.

And I couldn´t help but overhear.

-"Yeah, he´s still here..." she sounded unsure, she was talking about me but with who? Sam would never call her house. "And you want me to tell him?" now she was skeptical, what did she want to tell me? "You are crazy, Seth!" she sounded angry, but now I knew who she was talking to. What could Seth want? "fine, but you owe me!" she replied angrily before I head the phone being slammed. Silence filled the house.

-"Jacob?" she almost whispered.

-"Yeah..."

-"Ummm... Seth called" she said sitting back infront of me.

Yet she didn´t look at me. Where had her confidence gone? why was she so nervious?

-"So?" I asked encouraging her.

She looked sharply at me before blurting it all.

-"Bella´s back"

* * *

**OMG!! she´s back! :) find out if Bella is still human of if she has been changed into a bloodsucker in the next installment of Memoirs of a Werewolf!!!! **

**Thanks to Ibella999 for being my beta. And being the great friend I am, for people that can read in spanish check out her new story: ¿amigos intimos o enemigos publicos? promise you´ll like it. **

**REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED BUT NOT NECESSARY (I won´t ask for a number of reviews because that´s like blackmailing people! I hate when other authors do that!)**


	5. Discovering

**Disclaimer: The Twilight Series belong to SM (I just wish it had had a better finale...) **

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Chapter 4.- Discovering 

_She´s back! She´s back! _

The voice in my head was screaming while the other half of my mind was rushing through all of the possibilities of Bella´s return. She might be a vampire now, or she could still be human. She could be a superpowerful, blood-crazed vampire or she could be somewhat calmer.

_Who cares? She came back! She promised and she did! _

Shut up! I need to think alone. I don´t know what to do.

_Go and see her you idiot!_

I don´t think I can. I don´t think I can see her married to a vampire and being one.

_And why do you asume she is a vampire? You just don´t want to see her happy with someone that isn´t you. Stop being a jelous pup and try to be happy for her._

-"Jacob? Did you hear me? Bella´s back" Leah was looking intently at me. I focused my eyes on her.

-"Yeah... sorry for not responding." I smiled at her, but something must have been wrong with my smile because she frowned.

-"You were thinking about going weren´t you?"

I hesitated, but then I nodded.

-"Well... there´s an easy solution to all of this... Seth said you had to get there immediately"

_Something´s wrong._

-"Why?"

-"I don´t know. I´m just the messenger."

I shot out of the seat. What if she was hurt? What if something had gone wrong in her honeymoon?

-"Come on, we have to go now!" I told Leah as I moved to the front door.

But she didn´t move, she didn´t even stand up. She just stared at me.

-"I can´t go, Jacob. This is for you to handle."

-"But, I want you to go. I need someone to hold on to if somethng goes wrong" I whispered the last part.

She smiled at me, but it didn´t reach her eyes.

-"She came back, Jacob. I don´t know what to do now, how to help you, what to say because Sam never came back. I think-no, I´m sure you will be fine, you were before you came to me"-she said standing up and looking into my eyes-"But, thank you for coming to me."

I looked into her eyes and saw all the sadness of the world in her eyes.

Vengative, evil Leah was only a mask for all the hurt that was inside of her. And all I had ever thought of her was that. Now, I could see how everything had affected her, and how I had brought a little light into her eyes. Yet, I was leaving her alone because someone that was more important had come back.

_Is she really that important? _The voice asked sadly. And I didn´t know if it was talking about Leah or Bella.

Sudden sadness invaded me and all I wanted was to hug Leah. And I did, but she didn´t hug me back, she just stood there.

-"Thank you, for letting me in" I whispered before running out of the door.

I ran to the forest before phasing, and then running all the way to the Cullen house.

As I got there the familiar burning in my nose started. I counted 7 different vampire scents, all of them Cullen. Seth was still there too and there was another person inside too. And she smelled like freesia.

_Bella! She still human!_

Relief washed through me, so overwhelming that it felt as if some great weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I could breathe again. The relief was replaced by excitement and oh! how I wanted to see her again, to hold her in my arms.

I phased back and ran to the door, after getting partially dressed. I didn´t bother to knock, I just burst through the door and followed her scent to the living room.

I stopped as I saw 8 pairs of eyes look at me. 7 vampires and one werewolf, but none of them were the rich brown orbs I was craving the most. She wasn´t looking at me, even though she was staring in my direction. She was surrounded by them and when her eyes finally focused on me, pain rippled in my chest and a gasp escaped my mouth.

They were empty, her beautiful, expressive eyes were now staring emptily at me. I had only seen her like this before, when he had left her. I looked at the vampires and soon found him, sitting next to her. As I stared into them I realized that she had been _like _this once he left, but this time it was different... deeper. Yet her eyes were as inexpressive as the dead. I saw recognition flash in them before the became blank again. She knew who I was, but she was beyond caring. What could he have done this time to make her like this?

And I couldn´t contain myself. I strode to her and knelt before her, taking her in my arms, holding her together as I had done before.

-"Oh, Bella" I sighed as she hugged me loosely.

-"Jake?" her voice trembled.

I pulled back to look into her eyes, her blank eyes. She was searching my face and I saw them light up.

-"I kept my promise, I came back" she whispered.

-"Tell me you didn´t do this for me" I begged her.

But she didn´t reply, she just stared into space again.

I looked to her leech and asked him, in my mind, to talk to me outside. He nodded and got up, looking at the pixie, whom in turn nodded.

I got up too and they both followed me. Once outside I turned to him.

-"What have you done to her?" I growled.

-"I didn´t do anything to her Jacob" he said calmly.

-"So, she is like that because she wants to?" I snorted.

He didn´t reply and instead pinched the bridge of his nose. And I saw how he was struggling to maintain his control. Alice looked at me, warningly. But I was angry that Bella was in pain, and he was most probably the cause.

-"You hurt her didn´t you? Because if you did I am going to rip you to pie-"

-"I didn´t do anything Jacob!" he almost shouted.

His eyes were angry, he looked out of control. He looked like he wanted to kill me, but as suddenly as he exploded he went back to being calm.

-"That´s the whole point" he whispered, I almost didn´t hear him, as he started walking into the house.

-"Don´t turn away from me!" I shouted at him, taking a step forward. But Alice stepped in between, holding her hands before her, in an attempt to stop me without touching me.

Her skin irradiated coldness and I flinched before stopping a few inches from her hands.

-"Calm down, pup. Let me explain"

I looked down at her tiny pixie form, before looking at the closing door.

_I think you should listen to Tinkerbell._

I sighed, defeated and stepped back.

-"What do you have to say leech?"

-"My name is Alice, not leech. Mongrel" she said in an angry tone.

-"Well, _Alice_, my name is Jacob, not pup or mongrel" I replied angrily.

-"Whatever" she shrugged it off.

-"Now that we know our names...What do you want to say?" I snapped at her.

She sighed.

-"Jacob, promise you will listen before saying anything"

I nodded. _This must be big _

-"Edward didn´t do anything and that is why Bella is like that. He refuses to turn her into a vampire. And she´s in pain because all she wants is to spend eternity next to her. But he has gotten into his head the crazy idea that if he turns her into a vampire he will be acting selfishly, she wants her to have a human life before she can have eternity; he thinks that, deep inside of her, Bella wants that too, And he is oblivious to the fact that what Bella wants is to become one of us." She spoke everything so quickly.

-"How could he...." I started but silenced as she shot me a dark look.

-"We tried telling him but he won´t listen, he is so intent on keeping her human. , But I´m afraid that if he doesn´t do it, Bella will die this way, all vegetable like."

-"Can´t you see?"

-"No, her future is mingled with a werewolf, but in the little I can see, I don´t see any change."

I looked to my toes, they seemed so interesting now.

-"How could he do something like this? Can´t he see that it hurts her? She only wants to become one of them? One of you..." I trailed of.

_Much to our dismay_. The voice said bitterly.

She looked at me curiously.

-"What are you really trying to say Jacob?"

I sighed, but didn´t look at her.

-"What I´m trying to say is that I would rather she was a bloo- vampire, if that would make her happy. It kills me to see her like this."

She smiled

-"You´re not that bad, for a werewolf. If my brother hadn´t gotten her first, Bella would have been very happy with you."

-"But he got her first" I whispered, but she still heard me, and she grinned at me.

-"He got her first"-and she became serious again-"Altough now I wish he hadn´t, she´s in so much pain, that she has disconnected. Poor Jasper can´t take it anymore."

She sighed. And for a moment a pitied her, to be stuck with someone as Edward for a brother. And I saw him storm out of the house again and into his car, speeding off.

-"What´s his problem?" I said pointing over my shoulder at him.

She sighed, and looked sadly to where he had dissapeared.

-"I think he heard you, and he is frustated that everyone keeps telling him he has to change her. He is afraid that if he lets himself be influenciated by them he will end up changing her"

-"That´s good...right?"

-"Not for him, and I don´t think peer pressure is the best way to approach him right now"

-"I´m not following"

-"I´m saying that, knowing Edward, he will most probably end up regreting his decision. And that would ruin Bella´s eternity."

-"I still don´t understand"

She sighed, exasperated.

-"Let me put it like this, in terms you can understand. Could you live with someone for all eternity, knowing that they regret having you next to them and knowing you can´t leave because both of you would die of loneliness.? It would be like a forced marriage but forever"

-"Oh"

I imagined a miserable red-eyed Bella. Next to the one she loved, surrounded by him, for all eternity, yet somehow always lonely.

_You have to do something about it. You can´t let her die like this._

-"What can I do to help her?"

-"I am not sure, Jacob. I´m not even sure if you should stay here at all. Your presence puts everyone on edge, especially Edward and Rosalie, but she hates everyone."

_Why should we care about him? He´s the reason Bella is the way she is, okay? So don´t mind about him, he deserves our presence._

-"So I should go?"

_Nice going! I thought you were going to fight for her. This is our chance!_

I can´t fight for someone who has never been mine. I have no claim over her, besides, she´s already married.

_To a bloodsucker._

-"For now, you should go to rest. But I think you should come one of these days, she looks better when you´re around, even if it lasts a little. We´ll take one day at a time." She said turning around and heading back into the house.

_So you went from best friend and potential lover, to the clown that can make her laugh. Great progress!_

The sarcastic little voice better shut up...

* * *

I called her as soon as I got home, it was about 2 in the morning but she picked up and before she could even say hello I was talking very fast to her.

-"Leah, she´s back. But she´s all wrong. She´s broken, because of him"

-"What did he do?"

-"She won´t turn her into a vampire"

-"Why she would want that, is something I´ll never understand"

-"None of us do, and not even them, especially him"

-"Okay... and where does that leave you?"

-"They want me to come over, because they think I can snap her out of her... state... even if it´s for a little while"

-"And you are going to do it?"

-"Yeah..."

-"Then why the hell did you call me? It´s way too early to be listening to you endless blabbering..."

-"I don´t know if I should" I interrupted her.

-"And you think I do? You have way too much fate in me, Jacob"-she sighed- "I think you have already done too much for her. But if you would like to do it, not like an obligation, really wanting it, then go ahead."

I though about it. Did I really want to?

-"Thanks, Leah"

-"Don´t get used to it, Jake. You know, if I hadn´t know it was you I would have sent you flying very far from here, just for waking me up"

-"Yeah, I love you too" I said as I hung up.

And I stared at my ceiling pondering about her words. Did I really want to?

_Does she deserve it? Should you be doing this? What if Leah is right?_

_Bull! Why are you asking yourself this? We both know that you love her and you would go to the end of the earth for her, if that would make her love you. And since she doesn´t love you in the way you love her, you are going to settle for best friend; and as a best friend, you are going to make sure you are the best in the world, so that you can stay by her side. Did I get everything right?_

I would not go to the end of the earth for her, not anymore.

_Right, you would go to the end of the earth and beyond._

* * *

**Again thanks to my wonderful beta Ibella999, remember to check out her story for all of you who can read in spanish (or know someone who can...): ¿amigos intimos o enemigo publicos?. wondering what it is about? well... it´s about edward and bella (duh!) and they are in opposite advertising companies... and some things happen... haha you´ll have to read it to find out. :) **

**I´m writing a new story: as in heaven. it´s about edward and bella, jacob is not in the first chapter, but he will come out eventually... have you noticed that people read/write more edward-bella stories than jacob stories? so... I would like to thank you for reading this! you rule even though I don´t know you... and my recommendation to you is: REVIEW that way I will know why it is that almost nobody is reading my story... sad huh? **

**PLEASE REVIEW!!! IT MAKES ME OH SO VERY HAPPY!!!**


	6. Like we did before

**Disclaimer: unfortunately, I don´t own Twilight (because if I did, it would have ended the way it ended...) **

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Chapter 5.- Like we did before

Alice had called me an hour ago. She said that Edward had sped off, again, and that I was allowed to come over. I still thought it was stupid that the leech had to be gone so that I could see her, but for Bella, I would put up with it.

_To the end of the world and beyond... _

So here I was, sitting next to Bella (who was still staring into space), being watched by the blond bloodsucker.

-"What are you doing here, mongrel?" she said, narrowing her honey eyes.

-"I came to see Bella. Can´t I see her now, leech?" I sneered at her.

-"You come to the lion´s den when the lion is gone, that´s very manly of you, pup. But wait you aren´t a man..."-she put a finger to her mouth and pretended to think-"so I guess this is how puppies behave." She said annoyingly.

-"Whatever, bimbo"-I said rolling my eyes at her and standing up in front of Bella-"Okay, Bella, we´re getting out of here"

She looked at me with her vacant eyes and I watched as they slowly focused on me. When they did, she frowned.

-"Jacob? Where?" she whispered.

-"Outside. You need to get out of here." I said.

-"But I don´t want to go" she whispered, looking at me with her brown eyes, pleading.

-"Okay let me rephrase. I _need _to get out of here before I die of intoxication because of the smell that completely permeates every single inch of you."

-"Then go, Jacob" she said, sinking into the couch again.

-"You heard her dog, get your stinking ass out of here." The blond said, pointing at the door.

-"For your information it was your own pixie sister who invited me. And I will gladly leave this instant... but Bella´s coming with me" I said as I yanked her off the sofa.

-"Jake! I don´t want to go!" she spoke loudly, for the first time. But she didn´t really fight me, like she didn´t have enough strength to do so. I threw her over my shoulder Neanderthal style and ran out of the house with a very angry vampire on tow.

-"Put. Her. Down. Mongrel" she said, through clenched teeth.

-"No. I´m taking her with me and that´s final" I said putting her down beside me.

Bella immediately sunk to the floor, knees up to her chin, and looked between Rosalie and me. But for the first time in all the time I had known her, she actually looked scared of us.

-"Edward asked me to watch her. And that´s what I intend to do, even if it means tackling you to the ground and breaking your bones into little pieces"

I smiled at her and said slowly. "Or you could always come with us..."

She crouched, growling, getting ready to pounce on me.

-"Rosalie!" I heard the pixie yell as she came running out of the house, stepping in front of the very angry blonde leech.

-"Get. Out. Of. My. Way" she growled again. Looking past her, at me.

If she continued that growling that way, she would morph into a strange she-Edward.

_Like we didn´t have enough with one of him... _

I chuckled, imagining it, which obviously earned another growl from her.

-"Now, Rosalie, we had all agreed that we wanted Bella to snap out of it" Alice said slowly, as if she was talking to a small child.

She finally focused on the spiky-haired vampire. And sighed, standing up.

-"But does it have to be with him in the middle?" she said pointing at me. Her eyes were still angry.

-"Yes, now go back inside to your husband. I will go with them." Alice said with a final tone, and it still sounded like she was talking to a small child.

-"But Edward told me that I had to keep an eye on her" she almost whined. Almost.

-"Edward isn´t here. So I relieve you of your duties" she said with a final tone.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and stalked to the door, where Emmett was waiting.

-"So, Jacob, where are you taking her?" The pixie turned and asked as cheerily as if nothing had happened.

-"I think I´m going to take out of the country, possibly to France, they say it´s very beautiful..." I shrugged.

She rolled her eyes.

-"Ha ha, funny"-she said sarcastically-"La Push, right?"

-"Where else?"

-"I can leave you two alone without worrying right?"

-"It´s me you are talking to, pixie"

-"Precisely, last time she was under your care, she jumped off a cliff"-they´re never going to let that go, aren´t they?-"But I trust that you will bring her back in one piece?"-I nodded-"Can I return to my previous activities now?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

-"Sure, sure. I´ll keep her safe"

I turned to Bella who was still in the floor. She was again staring into space. I frowned and picked her up by the shoulders before throwing her again over my shoulder, except she didn´t complain this time. I walked to her truck, since I had not brought my car and hers was the only one I could use without dying of air intoxication...

I set her down gently in the passenger seat of her truck. I moved to the driver´s side and hoped on.

She was silent for the most time, occasionally sighing.

-"What are you thinking so hard about? Tell me, Bells."

She looked at me and smiled. It was tight and fake, more a ghost of her smile than the actual thing, but it was progress.

-"Why did you come for me?"

-"Because you´re my best friend Bella and I hate seeing you in pain."

_Best friend? She´s the woman you love! _

-"Oh" and this time she really did smile.

_Bloodsucker: O; Jacob: 1. Take that! _

We went to First Beach and I continued carrying her along the shore.

-"I can walk, you know" she said suddenly, looking up at me.

-"If you falling around while standing on your feet is what you call walking, then I very well know you can walk"

She started fidgeting and trying to get me to put her down.

-"Jake! Put me down!" she squealed as I hugged her closer to my chest.

-"No, honey, I like having you in my arms" I said, not looking down at her.

-"Please Jake? Put me down?" she opened her big brown eyes (which by now had recovered a little of her usual glow) and tried to do a puppy look. I raised my eyebrows at her and she pouted.

-"That look won´t work on me, Bells!" I said laughing at her.

-"Jacob Black, put me down before I get heat stroke" she said sternly.

-"I can´t say I don´t agree with you on that"-I sighed, releasing her a bit-"But I will only put you down if you promise to try and not fall so much"

-"Geez, I´ll do my best" she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes at me.

I finally put her down and she wobbled a little bit. I caught her by the waist before she fell and we started walking down the beach.

We eventually reached our tree bench, by which point Bella was actually able to walk on her own. We sat down together and she just stared off, looking at the sea, but this time, she didn´t look lost in her pain...

-"What´s in your mind?"

She smiled sadly at me.

-"I´m really sorry that I´ve put you through this. You don´t have to do anything for me and still you are here, trying your best to cheer me up"

-"I´ll always be here for you"

_Man, you are so corny._

-"I know. But I want you to understand that I can´t ever be whole... I´m broken Jacob, and you should have someone better than me. You don´t have to try to heal me. I´m not worth it" she said looking down at her lap as a tear rolled down her cheek.

-"I will try to make things better because you are worth it and don´t ever think you are not"

She smiled sadly again.

-"Let´s get back before your pixie friend comes to get you."

She smiled genuinely.

-"She definitely is something isn´t she?"

-"I´ve had worse" I said nonchalantly.

-"Oh really? Who?"

I racked my brain thinking of someone.

_Way to go genius! Think about what you are going to say before you actually say it._

Suddenly she started laughing.

-"Stop thinking so hard! I can almost see smoke coming out of your ears! Just admit it, you have never met anyone like Alice"

I smiled at her outburst.

-"No I have never met anyone that is anyway similar to Alice. Happy?"

-"Actually, yes" she said and started running towards the car-"Race you to the car"

-"We both know that you can´t outrun me! Let alone run without falling!" I yelled after her.

I stared at her as she stopped and turned to yell at me.

-"Move it Mister! I ain´t going to wait for you!" she said as she took off running again.

_You made it. You made her happy. But how long do you think it will last? Everyone knows that she only wants to be with Edward and not with you..._

I ran after her and easily matched her pace, just as we arrived at her truck.

-"Let´s call it a tie all right?"

-"No way, Black! I won that fair and square!"

-"Whatever Swan, get in the truck before a vampire busts a vein... which is kinda hard considering they don´t have blood" I said, thinking about Edward...

She didn´t talk on the way home

-"Thank you for this, Jake. I had fun." She said as we crossed the border.

_Final score: Bloodsucker:0; Jacob:5. What an astounding victory for the day, ladies and gentlemen._

When we got to the house, the bloodsucker was back. He was absolutely fuming and the pixie was trying to calm him. When I parked the car, he was at the side immediately, pulling Bella out. He hugged her and old Bella, appeared again.

_But wait! The day isn´t over yet._

She was absolutey glowing. Everything about her seemed fine, her eyes were shinning and her cheeks had a pink glow to them.

_Edward:6; Jacob: 5. The tables have been turned ladies and gents!_

But then she looked into his golden eyes and zombie Bella was back. She didn´t look back at me and just walked as Edward steered her into the house. But the pixie did look at me, smiled and mouthed a thank you.

I sighed and took off into the forest. I didn´t phase, just enjoying the feel of the leaves and branches on my bare feet.

_At the end of the day, bloodsuckers always win._

Shouldn´t he loose some points because of what he did at the end?

_Why? He managed to do, with a smile and a hug, what you couldn´t accomplish in a whole afternoon._

I sighed before phasing and heading home.

* * *

**Man! This was like, the most difficult chapter ever! It took me almost a month and still I am not pleased with it... I´m kinda getting bored... hehe, kidding! But things will get better in the next chapter... I hope. **

**As always I want to thank by beta: Ibella999; although she didn´t help me with this chapter I love her very much! And she is the the bestest and coolest and greatest friend anyone could ask for! (and she is also kind of weird and obssesed, like me! but that only make me like her even more!) TKM pekeña!! hehe. **

**REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED! **

**And for those of you wondering, my theory has been proved. Jacob is not really loved in the Twilight community... I mean he did some things but seriously, Edward? waaay to perfect! that´s why I like/love Jacob, he is a much more realistic character (except for the werewolf part) :D**


	7. CullenBlack moment

**Disclaimer: SM owns it all...**

* * *

Chapter 6.- Cullen-Black moment

Alice had again called me as soon as Edward had left. But this time, Bella was ready, she had gotten dressed for a day outside and was waiting for me in the porch, sitting in a chair staring off as was becoming tradition...

-"Bella!" I shouted when I got out of my car. She jumped a bit in her chair, startled. But a smile crept into her face as she saw it was me.

-"Jacob, you scared me"-she said. I laughed and hugged her, she hugged me back and I heard her sigh-"What are we doing today?"

I smiled at her sudden enthusiasm. We were definetely making progress.

-"Well, the weather is good but everything is muddy so we can´t go hiking or walking... and I don´t want to go back to the beach..." I shrugged.

-"So we should stay here, we can go out into the backyard..." she trailed off, unsure.

-"Sure, sure" I smirked at her and we gave a wide berth around the house before ending in the supposed backyard, which was more forest than actual backyard. It was basically a clearing.

Alice and Jasper were already there, sitting on a swing.

-"Hello, Jake! You´re staying here today?" Alice called.

-"Yeah" I waved in her direction and they both smiled back.

-"How´s Seth?" She continued yelling to me.

-"Fine, I guess. He said he might come over..."

-"Great! I´ll go tell Esme to make some food" She said as she stood up and pulled Jasper with her, skipping all the way to the house.

-"She really is something isn´t she?" I whispered to Bella who just laughed and walked to where they had been sitting.

-"We´re just going to stay here all day?" she asked a little disappointed.

-"Unless you want to do something else"

-"No, no I just thought that you didn´t like to be here" she shruggged.

-"I don´t like to be inside the house, but outside I´m alright"

-"Oh, okay" she started swinging back and forth.

And I just watched as she started gaining speed. The door opened and Seth walked out of the house with a smile on his face, followed by half the Cullens: Rosalie, Emmett and Esme. Esme was trying to get Seth to tell him what he wanted to eat, and Seth just kept telling her that he would eat whatever she wanted to cook for him.

-"I´m a vampire Seth. Just tell me what you want to eat and I´ll do it"

-"Um, I don´t know..."

-"Jacob! What do you want to eat?" she shouted at me.

At this point Bella had stopped swinging and was making her way to Seth.

-"How about hamburgers?" I asked both of them.

Seth grinned like an idiot and Esme nodded. I made my way to them as Esme disappeared to make them.

-"Seth!" Bella jumped in his arms and hugged him. Seth laughed and hugged her back. He waved in my direction and sat down in a chair that Emmett had brought out.

-"Hey pup!"-Rosalie snapped. Both Seth and I turned to look at her-"I didn´t mean you Seth"

I rolled my eyes at her and she pulled from behind her back a frisbee, she waved it at me. Bella and Seth snickered and just rolled my eyes again.

-"Ready mongrel? You have to go and fetch the frisbee after I throw it alright?" She said slowly as if talking to a very small child, or a very small dog.

_You do realize that you are a dog? _

I raised an eyebrow at her and she just smiled evily.

-"I have got to see this"-Bella chuckled and then stood up to whisper to me-

"Show her who´s boss, Jake"

-"We all heard you Bella! And we all know that my Rosie is _the _boss." Emmett yelled at her from his chair.

Bella, blushed a bright red and shouted back at him.

-"We´ll see about that Cullen"-and then to me-"if she wins you´re condeming me to Emmett´s endless teasing... please don´t disappoint me..." she trailed of and then went to sit between Seth and Emmett.

I shifted and went to stand in front of Rosalie.

-"Good boy, Black" I sat down in front of her and wagged my tail-"Oh ready? Fetch!" and she threw the frisbe into the forest. I ran after it.

_Great first you do what a bloddsucker tells you to.. and now you´re also playing with them... that´s low man._

But what the little voice in my head didn´t know was that I had a plan that could never disappoint Bella.

As I dodged trees and plants following the frisbee I made sure I stepped on as many puddles of mud as I could, and since it was Forks I was covered in dirt, mud and dead leaves long before I reached the frisbee.

I ran back to the house and when I was about to enter the clearing I stopped and looked around.

When I saw where Rosalie was standing I narrowed my eyes and started running even faster than how I had been running in the forest.

Rosalie saw me from the corner of her eye and turned to look at me, anger in here eyes.

-"Don´t. You. Dare. Pup" she said through clenched teeth. When I was close enough I stopped but like I thought I would, my paws slid all the way tp where Rosalie was and with a loud crash we ended in the grass, which was also muddy.

-"Get. Off. Now" she said. I whined and stood up, leaving the drooled, muddy frisbee in her lap. I turned around and went into the forest again, shifting and putting on my pants before going back to the clearing.

Rosalie had stood up, covered in mud from head to toe, and I had to fight hard against the laughter that was bubbling inside of me.

-"Had fun blonde?" I yelled form the edge of the clearing.

-"I. Am. Going. To. Kill you!"

-"Hey, you´re the one who wanted to play... that´s what happens when you play with a pup." I said shrugging and walking around her to see Bella. Blondie got ready to strike when Bella laughter echoed across the lawn, followed by Emmett and Seth´s.

-"He... got... you!" Bella said through her laughter. Rosalie turned to shoot dagger at all of them and they immediately became silent.

Seth got up, scared and stuttered.

-"I´m...ermm.. going to... see how the hamburgers are doing..." he hurried into the house avoiding Rosalie´s eyes. When the door closed Rosalie stomped to the house and Emmett got up when she passed him.

-"Rosie, baby, it was just a joke!" He begged but Rosalie just glared at him and went inside the house. Emmett followed her like a scolded kid. After a few seconds another door slammed.

Bella started laughing again. I walked up to her.

-"So your punishment was getting teased by Emmett... what was his?"

She stopped laughing but the smile remained on her face.

-"I think that Rosalie´s anger is enough punishment" she said shrugging.

And right then I had a very good idea.

_The bulb went on... finally! _

-"Bella?"-she looked up at me, wondering-"Aren´t you going to give me a hug? You know, for being such a good friend and not disappointing you?" I walked up to her, arms stretched wide.

Her eyes got wide-"No I´m not"- she said taking in my muddy appearence.

-"Oh come on!" I moved forward, she dodged beneath my arm and jumped into the grass. I´m sure my eyebrows reached my hairline in surprise because she hadn´t fallen flat on her face.

-"Wow didn´t think I make it" she muttered to herself, even more surprised than me.

-"Are you trying to run away from me?" I said, turning around.

-"Maybe" she said and took off around the garden, trying not to fall on her face, a feat almost impossible for Bella Swan.

-"Bella come give me a hug!" I said as I took after her.

-"nooooo" she yelled back, laughing.

It was not long after that I caught up with her. I hugged her from behind and lifted her in my arms, getting her all muddy.

-"Put me down Jake!" she yelled again, laughing.

-"Why don´t you like my hugs Bells?" I whined still holding her in my arms.

-"Nooo... mud... clothes" she said through her laugh.

-"You´ve got more at home" I said lifting her up again.

-"Put me down Jake!" she continued laughing.

-"Though luck, Bells, you´re in my power now."I said lifting her up in the air again but she didn´t laugh this time, actually she wasn´t even struggling even more. She just stared silently at the door without any hint of a smile. I looked to where she was looking. And there standing in front of the door, arms crossed, stood Edward.

-"She told you to put her down, Jacob" he said coldly.

I put her down and she walked to him, head down, without looking back at me. She hugged him hesitantly and he held her close to her body.

-"Why don´t you go change your clothes, love, before you get sick" he whispered and she nodded. She looked like a zombie again as she walked inside.

-"Aren´t you ashamed of yourself? Because of you she looks like one of the undead" I said, accusingly.

-"I know Jacob, it´s all my fault"

Wow, he accepted it! But then again the first step is admitting that you have a problem.

-"Damn right it is! Do something about it won´t you? I´m getting tired of seeing her like this"

-"Don´t start Jacob,"-he pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation-"I know very well what I got to do, my family makes sure that I never forget. But I won´t do it. Because I´ve got my reasons, reasons which your small mind would fail to comprehend." He finished coldly.

-"It´s as simple as this: if you really love her you would do it!" I said though it pained me to do so. He tensed and stared off.

_Ha! Take that! _

But his brow furrowed.

-"No" he muttered and started pacing in front of the door.

-"Hey! I´m talking to you!" I shouted and it was as if he had snapped out of his daze. He stopped pacing and looked at me.

-"Jacob, come inside this involves you too." And he entered the house, leaving me staring stupidly after him.

_What´s going on?! _

I ran after him, catching him standing at the bottom of the stairs.

-"Edward! What the hell is going on?"

-"Carlisle"-he called and then he looked at me-"The Volturi"

* * *

**Oooooooooo **

**Why are the Volturi back?! haha I am stopping there!!!! But you shall know the answer in the next installment of Memoirs of a Werewolf. **

**Tell me what you think!! REVIEW **

**Oh! and thanks to Ibella999 (you should know by now who she is...) **


	8. Three times trouble

**Disclaimer: SM owns it all**

* * *

Chapter 7.- three times trouble

_Who the hell are the Volturi? _

Carlisle was a the bottom of the stairs in seconds. Edward looked at me, annoyed.

-"Vampire royalty"- and then turned to Carlisle-"they´re coming, Alice saw them. They´ve decided to stop and check on us."

-"Calm down, Edward, only the guard will be coming right?" he asked in a calmed voice. Edward didn´t reply, which I asumed was a yes, and he stormed into the living room, where everyone was waiting except for Bella. Seth was there also, shoveling hamburgers down his throat, oblivous to what was happening around him.

_Those hamburgerst happen to smell very good, by the way. _

-"No, everyone. The three of them with a full guard... only the wives and their retinue are staying in Italy." He started pacing again.

-"They only want to check on us right?" Emmett asked.

-"Aro seems to be planning that, but something is just not right Carlisle. They have another plan... I don´t know what it is but why would they bring their whole guard for? Besides Edward can´t know what they´re thinking until they are close enough..."Alice said.

-"Could someone please tell me what the _hell _is going on?" I yelled before

Edward could speak again.

Carlisle cleared his throat and looked at me.

-"Forgive us Jacob"-Seth looked up from his plate and started paying attention-"The Volturi are the vampire royalty, sort of, and they also take care of problems like rebellions and mass killings by vampires. But they´re also in charge of keeping our world a secret, of keeping humans ignorant to our existance. And when they do find out, they make sure they tell no one."

I felt cold all over.

Bella

Edward nodded at me.

-"How?" I had to know.

-"It depends... most of the time they kill them, on very rare occasions they allow the involved vampire to decide, either to turn the human vampire or to kill them."

No one spoke and I felt nothing. I was strangely numb.

Finally Seth sighed. -"They´re coming for Bella aren´t they?"

-"Yes" Carlisle nodded grimly.

-"But how did they find out about Bella?" How could he be so calm and curious?

Edward stopped pacing.

-"It was a mistake" he whispered

-"When Edward thought Bella was dead he went to them... and well, long story made short, Bella went to get him and incidentally ran into the Volturi"-Alice said-"and she is now coming down the stairs."

"Are you going to tell her?" I mentally asked him but he froze as Bella appeared in the doorway.

She wasn´t smiling, she was back to her usual zombie state.

-"What´s wrong?" she asked, sensing our general distress.

-"Bella, love, sit down" Edward pointed to a seat next to Alice.

She shook her head.

-"I know somethin´s wrong. Tell me"

Edward sighed and looked at her.

-"The Volturi are coming"- She nodded slowly and her eyes glistened. Edward was by her side in a second-"Bella, Bella, love don´t cry. I won´t let them hurt you, everything´ll be alright" he said, taking her in his arms.

But Bella wasn´t crying, not yet. I could see that she was thinking, hard. Then she fisted his hands in his shirt and looked up at him.

-"Edward, change me. It´s the only way" she whispered at him.

I winced.

_She really wants that... now there´s no hope. _

Edward can still say no.

Edward froze and hugged her tighter to him.

-"Shh, love, let´s not be hasty. Everything´s all right"

-"No, Edward, you have to change me!" she shouted, muffled by his shirt. But he only hugged her tighter and looked at Jasper.

But, surprisingly, he shook his head and stood up to leave, taking Alice with him. Rosalie and Emmet did the same and Carlisle looked at me, warningly.

I sighed and grabbed Seth´s arm, pulling him up. He managed to balance the plate of hamburgers in one hand while he continued to eat thme with the other, at the same time I was pulling him out of the room, into the garden, where he sat down again to eat.

But I still couldn´t get the image of Bella begging out of my mind. And the worst part was that it hurt me deep down in my soul. To see strong Bella reduced to a blubbering mess for the man –_vampire_- she loved; one who refused to acknowledge her sacrifice. She was sacrificing her life –_it doesn´t count as sacrifice if she wants it right?_- for his family and his existence... and yet he would not do the thing that would make everyone safe.

Carlisle was looking at me questioningly. But then he sighed.

-"Jacob, you and Seth need to go. You have to tell the pack everything, they need to be warned about the Volturi and the last thing we would want is for them to be dragged into this"

I nodded and Seth stood up, empty plate in his hand.

-"But just so you know –Carlisle, should it ever come to that, we will fight for Bella"-Seth nodded vigorously-"even if it´s just me"

-"And me" Seth said.

-"_We _will not let all of you sacrifice yourselves in a land that is ours to protect"

Carlisle looked shocked and scared.

-"Brave words that I hope you never have to prove" Carlisle said, sighing.

* * *

Sam was there, sitting with the elders as well as the whole pack. I had just finished telling him what had happened at the Cullen´s.

-"Jacob, did you make any promises?"

_Only that you will fight besides them and give up your life if that´s necessary. _

-"Just about me, nothing that concerns the pack"

-"Hey!" Seth shouted. I glared at him.

-"Ok, just me and Seth"

-"Let me get this straight, you are asking us to risk our lives to save the woman you love who is not in love with you but with a leech?!" Leah asked sarcastically.

-"Well... yeah"

It sounds much worse when she says it like that doesn´t it?

She stood up and pointed acussingly at me.

-"I can´t believe you! First you are all depressed about her, then you try to do everything in your power to make her happy again, and now you are willing to give your life for her"

_Tell us something we don´t know. _

-"Leah, be quiet and sit down" Sam told her.

Leah glared at him and sat down with a "hmpf"

-"Jacob you must realize what you are asking all of the pack to do" one of the elders said.

-"I know what I´m asking"

-"You are asking us to put our lives in the line for a bunch of cold ones that have a feud with another bunch of bloodsuckers, that have absolutely nothing to with us-" Sam started.

-"But it´s the land we swore to protect-"

-"No, listen to me, Jacob. La Push is the land we swore to protect, Forks is the land next to it. If bloodsuckers come inside La Push, then we will fight. But unless that happens, nobody is going to fight"

-"I will fight" I said defiantly.

-"Hey!" Seth shouted again. I glared at him again.

-"Fine! Seth and I will fight"

-"No"

-"Yes"

Leah stormed off.

-"Fine, then. But we won´t help you" Sam didn´t even flinch when Leah passed him.

-"Alright"

-"Then this meeting is over"

I waved at everyone and thanked the elders before running after Leah. I caught up with her near the forest, she was walking slowly towards her home.

-"Leah? What´s wrong?" I reached to touch her shoulder but she pulled away.

-"You really have no clue, do you?" she still didn´t turn to look at me.

-"About what?"

-"The reason why I appear so cold to everyone is because I tend to overreact, to make things bigger than they really are... I thought we were friends, Jake. I thought you cared about me" she whispered brokenly.

-"Leah... I do care about you. I do think about us as friends"

-"Then why do you do this to me? Ever since Bella came back we haven´t talked, you´ve stopped visiting. It´s like you´ve dissapeared... what happened to moving on Jake?"

-"I can´t Leah"

-"Then we can´t be friends"

-"Wh- What?"

-"You heard me, when you stop thinking about her long enough to realize that you have other people who really care about you, we can´t be friends." And then she walked away.

_Everything´s got to be about Bella right? Why can´t you see that Leah´s right?_

I knew she was right but I didn´t have the courage to go after her and admit it.

* * *

**Sorry for taking so long... as always thanks to my reviewers and anonimous followers and of course to Ibella999 **

**REVIEW!!!!**


	9. Making excuses

**Disclaimer: SM owns it all...**

* * *

Chapter 8.- Making Excuses

-"Leah, please pick up" I muttered into the phone as it kept ringing.

-"Hello?"

_Seth, not Leah. _

-"Let me talk to your sister" I said quickly.

Please be there, please be there.

-"Hello, Seth. How you doing? Well I´m doing fine Jacob thanks for asking..." he started talking to himself.

I growled. He stopped talking.

-"Yeah... sorry, I´m afraid she doesn´t want to talk to you"

-"Just. Hand. Her. The. Phone" I growled into the phone again.

There was noise on the other side. And it sounded like Leah had hit Seth.

_And what exactly are you planning on telling her? _

-"What do you want Jacob?" she snapped into the phone.

I sighed.

_I just wanted to tell you that I´ve gotten over Bella... oh wait! That´s not true! _

-"I wanted to talk to you"

-"Have you done what I told you to do?"

_No, not in a million years... _

-"Look, Leah, we need to talk... I-" I started saying, hoping she wouldn´t interrupt.

-"You haven´t have you?" she said sadly.

I didn´t reply, I couldn´t lie to her.

-"Leah, don´t hang up."-I started-"Don´t make me go look for you"

-"Goodbye Jacob" she whispered.

-"Leah!" I shouted but there was a click as the line went dead-"I need you" I whispered.

* * *

I knocked angrily on her door.

-"I´m coming, I´m coming" Seth grumbled from the other side of the door.

-"Seth, where´s Leah?" I said as soon as he opened the door. He looked like he had been sleeping.

-"Umm"-he scratched his head, sleepily, and thought for a moment-"she said she needed to get some air... is it important?"

-"Yes" I snapped and tried to look over his shoulder.

-"Oh! Now it makes sense..." he stared off.

-"What makes sense?"-I focused back on him-"Did she tell you anything?"

-"Well, no, but she´s pretty upset with you... ever since Bella came back all she does is mope, sometimes she stares intently at the phone for hours before sighing and giving up... and right after your phone call she said she had to go out... so, it makes sense because you might have told her you were coming and she didn´t want to see you"

-"Wow, you´re a genius Seth" I said sarcastically.

He nodded back, with a smile on his face.

-"So she isn´t here?"

-"Nope"

-"Fine, I´ll go look for her" I started to go back down the porch stairs.

-"Yeah..."-he scratched his head-"do you really think that´s the best thing?"

-"What do you mean?" I stopped in my tracks and turned around to look at him.

-"I mean that if she doesn´t want to see you, then she must have a good reason" He shrugged.

-"Women never have good reasons for walking away" I grumbled.

-"And you do?"-_ouch! that must hurt!_-"Look, Jake, you´re like a brother to me, but Leah is my real sister and I won´t let you hurt her again, I don´t want her to be miserable. So I´m asking you, like a friend and a brother, to leave her alone. Sort out your problems and when you´re ready, come and get her; but right now, she´s hurting and the last person she wants to see is you, because you are the reason she´s hurting."

I stood and just looked at him. Since when did Seth care about his sister?

_He´s always cared, you just hadn´t noticed.. hey, Seth may not look it but he´s smart, maybe you should listen to him. _The voice was not ordering me now, it was just trying to be helpful.

-"Yeah... I´m gonna go now" I said, lamely. I turned around and walked away.

-"Think of what I said." He shouted before closing the door.

The hell I will.

* * *

I was sitting in my couch, staring at nothing, thinking.

"_You are the reason she´s hurting" _he had said.

Could it really be? Could it be that it´s all my fault?

_Seriously? Of course this is your fault! She´s hurting because you fail to realize how sick your relationship is with Bella!_

That is most definetely not true! My relationship with Bella is not sick. It´s just different...

_Fine then, let´s put it this way: Leah is hurting in the same way that you hurt when you found out that Bella was marrying Edward._

No way! I´m not marrying Bella! It most definetely is NOT the same.

_Oh really? You´re not making a lifetime commitment to her?_

No, of course not, we´re just friends!

_So, you are never going to put Bella before everything else? _

That´s not a lifetime commitment, I fail to see your point.

_Right... whatever makes you sleep at night._

My phone rang and I ran to to pick up, hoping that it was Leah. Hoping that at last I could sort this out with her.

-"Hello?"

-"Jacob?" the voice sang.

-"Oh it´s you" I slumped back on the couch.

-"Of course it´s me! Who else could it be?"-Alice seemed to think it over-"Never mind that... are you coming or not?"

I sighed.

-"Yeah... I don´t think it would be a good idea to visit Bella today"

-"Ok, see you... wait what? Why won´t you come?" she whined.

-"Because I don´t think that today is a good day to be cheering people up"

-"Jacob..."-she sighed-"just your presence cheers her up!"

-"Yeah, well, maybe my presence isn´t feeling up to it" I snapped.

-"Oh stop being such a drama queen"- I could almost hear her rolling her eyes-"and get your shape-changing butt over here"

-"Alice, I´m not-" I began.

-"I expect you to be here in half an hour at the most" she started.

-"But, I already told you-"

-"And I told you that you have to come here."-she whined again-"Do you want Bella to become a vegetable for life?"

-"No"

Her voice turned serious. -"She needs you more than ever..."-then back to annoying-"so half an hour"

-"Crazy pixie..." I muttered into the phone.

-"Excuse me?"

-"I said, yes ma´am"

-"That´s more like it" she said smugly and then hanged up.

_And what are you going to do? Show up with your sad little face and pretend to cheer her up? Or be a vegetable next to her? _

-"Shut up!" I screamed and banged my head against the couch.

-"Excuse me?!" Billy replied from the kitchen.

-"Not you dad" I answered, more calmly.

-"You better not have broken anything"

-"No, dad"

-"Is everything okay?" he asked poking his head out of the kitchen.

-"No"- I sighed-"I´m going out, be back soon..."

* * *

I pulled in front of the Cullen house and sighed as I turned off the Rabbit.

_You can do it, you just have to pretend everything´s alright._

The front door opened and Alice came running out, looking pissed.

-"What took you so long? I said half an hour!"

-"Sorry..." I answered, looking down at her, not trying to hide how I felt... maybe she would let me go back home...

-"It´s alright... You look terrible" She said matter-of-factly.

-"So I´ve been told" I answered sarcastically. She frowned, but decided to ignore me.

-"Bella´s waiting"-and then she dissappeared through the door-"let me know when you decide what you´re doing!"

I followed her into the living room where Bella was watching TV. _Pretending to watch TV._ Alice dissappeared through the oppossite door. 

-"Hey" I said as I slumped next to Bella in the sofa. I wrinkled my nose at the all too familiar sweet smell that permeated her.

-"Jake..." she whispered brokenly, focusing her empty eyes on me but this time I had to look away and did not try to hug her, to comfort her.

_Because deep down you know that she´s the reason you and Leah fight all the time..._

-"Wanna go to the beach?" I asked, pretending to ignore how she had looked at me.

Since she didn´t reply, I stood up and pulled her up too; not quite carrying her, just supporting her, holding her so she wouldn´t fall I half-dragged her to the door and into my car.

Before I got in too, I remembered I had to tell Alice where we were going.

-"Alice! We´re going to the beach!" I yelled and I saw her look out the window and wave.

-"Bring her back in one piece"

_If you don´t break in pieces youself._

We got to the beach quickly and I helped her out of the car. She clung to my arm as we walked in the sand and that´s when I noticed that she was limping.

_Tsk, tsk, where is you mind today?_

I walked, and she limped, to our favorite spot, and then sat down.

-"Bella?"-I waited until she looked at me-"why are you limping?"

-"I fell" She shrugged.

-"Are you alright?" I said, looking into her eyes.

-"Just a bruise..." she looked at her leg and then up again.

-"No, I meant you, how are you?"

She looked at her lap and avoided my eyes.

-"Jake, I don´t wanna talk about it" she whispered.

-"OK"

I stared at the ocean, enjoying how the little available sunlight played with the waves, making them a lighter blue, bringing a little light inro gloomy Forks.

-"Is something wrong Jake?" her voice startled me.

_Even Bella noticed, and she´s half zombie. You´re losing your touch..._

-"No, no, why would you say so?"

-"You´re not... happy, bright Jake, you look sad and angry... almost like... Sam´s Jacob..." she stared off.

-"No, no, I just haven´t been sleeping a lot lately"-I could see that she didn´t really believe me-"Night patrols" I yawned for effect.

But she didn´t buy it. Yet she dropped the subject. I sighed.

-"Bella, we need to talk about what´s going on" She froze in shock and her eyes glistened.

-"Are you sure?"-I nodded but she hesitated before starting to talk.-"I feel broken, Jake"-she breathed deeply, trying to hold back tears-"he won´t change me, he refuses to do so making excuses and it tears me apart"

I tried hard not to wince as the familiar pang of jelousy hit me.

-"Have you talked to him?" I croaked.

-"Yes, but he doesn´t listen, he just says that everything will be alright, that I shouldn´t worry"-tears started to fall and she clenched her fists-"He doesn´t see that I really want it , that I want to spend forever next to him."

_There! She said it, now will you believe it? She doesn´t need you, and when she becomes a bloodsucker you two won´t be able to look at each other without wanting to rip the other into pieces..._

This time I really did wince. And Bella noticed, she was silent now with tears streaming down her face, and she just looked at me.

-"I´m sorry, Jake, that was out of place. I shouldn´t have said so... can we go back now?"

-"Yeah" I managed to choke out.

I helped her walk to the car and get in. The ride was silent, uncomfortable. And I felt guilty because I had brought it up.

_And I bet you´re the only one that feels guilty... _

I was surprised to see that Edward´s car was back in place, because we hadn´t been out for long. He came storming out of the house and before I had turned off the car, he opened the door and cradled zombie Bella in his arms.

-"Are you alright?" he asked, but she didn´t reply. She just stared at me, looking sorry. And I knew that she would´ve mouthed sorry to me if Edward hadn´t been around.

-"Edward we need to talk" I said stiffly.

_That was not part of the plan._ There was no plan.

He raised and eyebrow and nodded, then walked inside with Bella in his arms. I waited next to the car.

_And what exactly are you going to tell him?_

He came back and I smiled to myself.

-"What do you want Jacob?"

-"It´s about Bella"

He rolled his eyes. -"I know, why else would we talk?" I ignored him and continued talking.

-"Look, she´s hurting pretty bad because she wants to be a vampire... so I´m here to tell you that you have to change her" I stared into his eyes.

-"I don´t have to do anything" he said slowly, trying to contain his anger.

-"Only you think that way. Just ask you family..."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and started pacing.

-"Why won´t you change her Edward? Is it so hard to see her as an equal, and not as someone you have to protect?"

-"You don´t understand, Jacob.-"-he stopped pacing-"I just can´t do it"

-"Then try to explain it to me. Tell me why you are being so selfish, give me your reasons for making your supposed soul-mate so miserable"

_Take that bloodsucker!!!_

He sighed and crossed his arms.

-"How is it selfish to want to save her soul, to want her to have a life like the one I never had?"

-"She doesn´t want a human life!"-I said exasperated-"Can´t you see? Stop making excuses and change her!"

-"I won´t do it!" he almost shouted.

-"Then accept the consequences! Stop running away from her! She needs you more that she needs me..." I whispered the last part, because even though I already knew it, it was difficult to actually admit it.

-"Nobody asked you to be here for her" he said coldly, glaring at me.

-"Actually your family did! And I´ve had enough of it! I´m tired of being the third wheel, always the friend. I´m getting sick of picking up the pieces that you leave behind, trying to put them back together just so that you can come back and tear her apart again!"

But the truth was that I couldn´t let go of Bella and that was making me lose friends.

_Like Leah.._

-"I´m trying Jacob" he sighed. And that made me angry, because he wasn´t really trying, he was just running away and letting others pick up his mess.

-"You made some vows Edward"-I pointed accusingly at him-"you promised to take care of her in sickness and in health and right now she´s sick, hurting. Go take care of her now, don´t break you vows, because she´s your wife"

"Not mine" I thought before I turned and started walking back to the driver´s side.

-"I´m sorry about Leah, it´s my fault" he said, and I froze.

-"No, it´s my own damn fault"-I said before I opened the door and sighed-"think about it Edward, because I´m not coming back to pick up the pieces again" and then I got in and drove off.

Leaving Bella... without saying goodbye.

* * *

BPOV

The tears flowed down face as I looked through the window and saw Jacob leave.

-"You´ll always be in my heart" I whispered brokenly to the window, though he could never hear me.

_"I´m not coming back to pick up the pieces again"_ his voice said in my head.

_Even though you didn´t say goodbye... I understand. _I thought, imagining him standing next to me.

_"It was my own damn fault"_ he had said.

And I couldn´t help but think: _I´ve finally done it, I´ve pushed Jacob away and now he won´t come back._

I slumped to the floor and started crying bitterly for what seemed hours until Edward came and cradled me as he hummed my lullaby...

* * *

**:O do you think Jacob will go back and say goodbye?? tell me what you think!!**

**Sorry for not updating... my brain dried up, ideas were scarce and school has been veeery stressing... I´ve had this chapter for a while but it wasn´t good enough for you guys, so... sorry**

**I know it´s kind of fractioned but my beta said she liked it... so you can blame her :P **

**Thanks to all of you who keep reading! **

**REVIEW!!!**


	10. Decisions

**Disclaimer: we all know how it goes... i don´t own twilight... **

* * *

Chapter 9 Decisions

I stood outside my house, feeling the rain fall down on my face, thinking about what I had just done.

I just told Edward to go save Bella because I ain´t gonna be there forever.

_You did it for Leah, and because you have finally realized how sick your relationship with Bella is._

I love Bella, and if she won´t love me back what´s wrong with loving her as a friend? Had I really come to the conclusion that pur realtionship is not right? I know I did the right thing but I feel so horrible, because I somehow hurt Bella and that´s wrong on so many levels… and I feel selfish, so selfish…

_It´s not selfish to want what´s best for you._

Is it really what´s best for me?

_Only time can tell, I guess…_

I closed my eyes and sighed. In that moment images started flashing in my mind: Bella smiling, Bella laughing, Bella talking about something random and silly, Bella worried, biting her lip. What the hell have I done?! But this time the voice did not answer back and I tried to hold the image of Bella smiling broadly at me. Her brown eyes shinning, her hair all over the place… Bella, but her image started shifting: her hair got blacker, her skin got darker, until Bella was no longer staring back at me, it was Leah. And the images started flashing again: grumpy Leah, sleepy Leah, fun Leah, sad Leah, telling me how she couldn´t be with me while I was still in love with Bella… now that I think about it, I can´t remember a time when I was´t in love with her…

_Are you? Still in love with Bella?_

No, I don´t think so, she´s become like a sister to me and I only want what´s best for her…

_Then call Leah!_

How can that do any good to Bella?

_Think about it, Bella would want you to be happy right? And don´t deny it, Leah makes you happy… so Leah is what´s good for both of you…_

It´s too soon! I´m not ready… I just want to not think for a moment… or a day, maybe two or three.

_Pfft!_

And the voice said no more.

I sighed. Why was I talking to myself? Well to a voice inside my head… who was that anyway?

-"Jacob! Come inside son! You´ll get sick!" my dad yelled from the inside.

First sign of being crazy: hearing voices. I smiled as I entered the house and wiped my feet in the welcome mat.

-"I´m a were-"

-"-wolf, I know, but I got you to come in didn´t I?"-he smiled-"I need to talk to you"

-"Ok, about what?"

-"Bella" he raised his eyebrows, eyeing my reaction.

_He he_

-"What about Bella?"

-"Look son, I know you´re in love with her but you have to realize that maybe she doesn´t want to be with you in that way…"

-"Dad, stop, I know what you think, and what everyone thinks for that matter, and I want you to know that I know, I understand that Bella can never love me the way I love her"-_so you __do__ love her? Still?_-"and that I have taken measures-"

-"Measures? For what?"

-"Measures to make sure that she is happy and safe next to her bloodsucker…"

-"I don´t understand"

-"Dad, today I went to Bella´s house because I needed to set things right with Leah, it wasn´t my intention to end up talking to Edward but I did, I told him that he needed to start accepting the consequences of his actions because I am getting tired of picking up the pieces only so that he could come back and break her apart again, after all Bella is his wife, so he needs to take care of her… I think he understood but he didn´t take it well, pfff, you should´ve seen his face… and that´s about it…"

My dad just sat there, looking at me, was it really so hard to believe?

-"Son are you sure that was the right thing to do?" he said slowly. I sighed.

-"No, but I care about Leah, and if Bella cares for me she will understand why I had to leave her without saying goodbye…"

-"You didn´t say goodbye?" he looked even more surprised.

-"No"

-"Well, as long as you can live with your decisions, son, I´ll stand by you."

_Can you live with your decisions?_

I hope so… I really, really hope so.

The days passed on and I didn´t hear about Bella or Leah, not even the pack. Nobody came to visit me, or bother me for that matter, and I felt that it was my dad who was telling everybody to stay away for a while. I spent those days working, running, doing anything that could exhaust me, all with the hopes of having a dreamless sleep… but no matter how hard I tried and how exhausted I was, I would lay in bed for hours and sleep would not come and when it came, it was with dreams…

_*Dream* _

_I was standing in the cliff from where I usually jumped with the boys, just staring into the sun. I felt a small hand on my back but I was´t scared, even though I had heard nobody move; when I turned I saw Bella in a long midnight blue dress, looking at me with tears in her eyes. _

_-"Why did you leave Jake? Why didn´t you say goodbye?" she whispered brokenly. _

_-"I´m sorry, I had to" I mumbled, but I couldn´t remember why I had done such a terrible thing. _

_-"Do you not love me enough to stay?" _

_She picked up her dress and slowly walked towards the edge of the cliff. _

_-"I do, but sometimes the pain is just too much" _

_Her brow furrowed. _

_-"Pain?" _

_-"Yes, the pain of knowing that you can never be mine" _

_She smiled sadly. _

_-"But Jake, I will always be yours" she said simply. _

_She took another step closer to the edge and looked at me with tears running down her cheeks. I sighed. _

_-"Don´t lie, Bells, we both know it´s not true" _

_-"But it is… we can always find a way to be together…" she said in a small voice._

_-"No, we can´t" _

_Why was I being so stubborn? She was offering me a chance to be together and I kept telling her that I couldn´t. _

_She grabbed her hair in desesperation. _

_-"Why do you make things so complicated?!" she almost screamed. _

_-"I only want what´s best for you…" I took a few steps towards her. _

_-"Then why´d you leave? I´m lost without you!" she whispered, all her anger gone. _

_-"I know" _

_-"You don´t care do you? Not anymore, you are finally sick of me…" _

_-"I…I- " _

_-"I don´t wanna hear it"-she said sadly as she took another step closer to the edge-"you´re done with me"-she looked down into the sea-"now I´m done with you!"- and then she jumped. _

_-"No!" I yelled as I walked towards the edge, taking off my shirt and shoes in the process. I was about to jump off when I heard another voice. _

_-"Jake? What are you doing?" _

_I turned around and saw Leah in a long blood-red dress, with a worried look on her face. _

_-"Leah?" _

_-"Please step away from the edge, Jake" she said calmly._

_-"But Bella-" _

_-"Bella is dead"-she said coldly-"well, dead to us I mean, a bloodsucker is not a living creature anymore and life´s for the living…"-she walked up to me and whispered in my ear-"so let´s live it my love" _

_-"What?" _

_-"Oh don´t play dumb Jake, we both know what you feel for me and what I feel for you, did you really think I made you say goodbye to Bella for your own good?" _

_Made me?_

_-"Well, yeah…" _

_-"So silly Jake. I just did that because I wanted you all to myself! And you did what I told you to because you care for me… and we can turn this into something very interesting."-she laughed as I looked over the edge again.-"come home with me Jake and we can start a new life together"_

_-"But Bella…" _

_-"Edward can save her" _

And that was always when I woke up and no matter how hard I tried I could never remember what my decision had been. I couldn´t help but wonder what the dream meant but the thing that really bothered me was what my decision had been: had I have jumped after Bella? Or had I gone home with Leah?

_Wich one would you make?_ The voice kept asking. And as I worked and ran I kept asking myself the same question, what is my decision? Going back to Bella or going to Leah? If so, what were my feelings towards her? It was so frustating! And the more I told myself that I shouldn´t worry anymore, the more I thought about it.

I was so sick of my thoughts that when my father found me banging my head to the wall he just stared at me and started laughing.

-"Still dwelling on it?" he said with a smirk.

After I looked at him with what I supposed was a murderous look he left me alone.

The next day he was back again in my room but with a different comment.

-"Someone´s here to see you"

-"Don´t wanna see anybody" I mumbled into my pillow.

-"Too late" he said and wheeled himself again.

-"Dad!" I grumbled as I got up.

Someone coughed behind me. I froze and slowly turned to face whoever was in my doorway. Leah was standing there, looking akward and uncomfortable. I just stood there, waiting for her to say something.

-"Hey, Jake"

-"Hey, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

-"Hey, can´t I come and see my new best friend?" she attempted a smile.

I rolled my eyes.

-"Right… so _now _you accept our friendship?"

-"I´m here ain´t I?"-She laughed nervously-"Can we go outside?"

-"Sure, sure"

I walked behind her, holding the door as she walked through.

What does she want here?

_You do realize how stupid your question sounded, right? She´s here because she heard about Bella and Edward and you… since you didn´t go to her, she came to you…_

-"Seth told me about what you said to Edward…" she looked at the ground but before she could say anything else I started talking.

-"Okay, look, I´m sorry I didn´t call you"-her head snapped up-"the moment I got home, it´s just that I… needed time…" I gestured uselessly with my hands.

-"I understand and I just came here to tell you that I´m proud of you. Because you are all that I wish I could be and you did the one thing I have never been able to do… you let go of the thing that keeps you together and you are still you and well, I really am proud of you because you did the right thing" she smiled weakly at me.

-"I-what?"-I said in shock-"You are proud of me?" I just stared at her, my eyes were the size of saucers.

_See? She´s not so bad after all_

-"Yeah… but don´t push your luck, Jacob" she glared at me.

_Well most of the times…_

-"Now that´s the Leah I know!"-I said and then had the crazy impulse to hug her, so I hugged her. She didn´t move at all-"come on Leah, I know you still remember how to hug people…"-she moved her arms around me slowly, cautiously and sighed.

She rested her head on my shoulder and slowly relaxed.

-"I ain´t gonna bite you… hard"-and then she pushed me away, with a hard smack in the arm.

-"Oh shut it!" she said with a smile as her cheeks colored.

Yep, Leah Clearwater actually blushed.

-"Now, why did you really come here?"

-"I-well the boys wanted someone to come here and see if you were still alive and well, sane…"-I raised an eyebrow-"ok, ok, I lost a bet and I was chosen as the one who had to come"

I started laughing.

-"Well, you can tell the guys I´m alive and okay" I said smiling at her.

Her brow furrowed and she looked at me with worry written clearly on her face.

-"Are you really okay Jake?"

-"Yes" I said without hesitating.

_So __now__ you are okay? _

She shrugged.

-"Okay, then I´m leaving now" she turned to leave. Right then Paul came running out of the forest, with cut-offs and looking stressed.

-"Great, you´re still here, less people to find"

-"What happened?" Leah asked quickly.

-"Seth called Sam"

-"Where´s Seth?" I asked.

_Oh where oh where could he be?_

-"At the Cullen´s"

-"And the news are?" Leah snapped.

-"Edward has decided to change Bella."- My world went cold -"They are asking permission, well not really, they just want to know if we will attack them when he bites Bella…"

I started shaking from anger. He was going to change her. I closed my fists, trying to control my anger. She is going to be my worst enemy, Bella, my own Bella… my own worst enemy. I won´t ever be able to see her again, she won´t be herself anymore.

_It´s all your fault. If you hadn´t gone and talked to him, he wouldn´t have reconsidered it and well, it´s your fault!_

Shut up! I know it is my fault, but now I have to do something about it. God I wish I had stayed out of this! Why did I listen to Leah?

_Because you care about her!_

I would have been perfectly happy just keeping her company! It´s not like she forced me to leave her side! I just had to go and ruin everything!

_You did what was right! We´ve been through this!_

Now I won´t be able to do anything close to her. It is more likely that I will want to kill her the momemt I see her! And she will want to kill me too.

_Focus, Jacob._

I tried to imagine Bella being aggressive and violent but I couldn´t. But I felt the wolf inside of me pushing harder to get out and I didn´t have enough will power to contain him. She will stop being Bella and it is all my fault!

-"No!" I yelled at them before the wolf took over me and I started running away from a startled Leah and a cursing Paul.

_What are you doing?_

Cullen house. I felt the twigs below my paws break and the leaves crunch as I ran through the forest. So good to be out on the forest again.

_Why? What are you going to do?_

I have to stop him.I have to do something about it. I can´t just stand by and let him bite her… different scenarios passed through, but most of them included ripping Edward to shreds in front of Bella…

_So you are going to show up with your sorry face and say: please don´t turn her, I was wrong, I´d rather she be a human vegetable! I don´t want her to be happy!_

I´d rather just rip him apart, but I slowed down as I realized that the little voice was right. I was too late, he was going to changer her, there was nothing to do, but I had already arrived at the house.

_"Jake? Where are you?"_

"_Leah? What happened to not shifting anymore?" _

I just stared at the house, smelling. Vampires, and more werewolfs than usual. But Bella was still human. I was just in time.

"_There are some things that are worth losing my humanity over… But listen to me, you can´t run away again, so show me where you are" _

"_I´ll see you at the Cullen house" _

Now came the little issue about my clothes.

_"I´ll bring you some"_

I felt Leah go back to my house and then disappear. I heard voices from the inside and started walking forward, away from the cover of the trees.

-"We have to wait! They are on their way!" Sam screamed at someone and he sounded pretty upset.

-"But we have to do it before he changes his mind again!" the little pixie said.

-"And where is the harm in that?" Quil asked.

-"You don´t understand! Where is Jacob?" I heard her pacing around the room.

-"He´s coming, relax" Seth said, trying to calm everyone. Everyone felt silent.

-"Stop doing that" Sam said calmly, way too calmly.

_Jasper. He´s messing with their heads._

-"He´s outside" Edward said calmly. I heard someone get up and start running towards the back door. The door opened and out came Bella.

-"Jake!" she said as she ran to hug me.

I took a step back before she could throw herself at me.

-"I´m sorry Jake"-she mumbled-"but this is the only thing I have ever wanted."

I rolled my eyes.

_No news there._

-"He´s not surprised"-Edward said form the doorway. I growled at him-"figured you might need a translator"

_So I am supposed to thank you?_

-"No, I should be the one thanking you. You made me see how wrong I was"

I rolled my eyes at him.

_Where are my clothes when I need them?_

-"She´ll be here soon. I´ll wait inside"

Bella watched him go and then turned again to me. I looked at her from above.

-"Please sit Jake, I want to tell you something"

I sat down but when I saw that she sat down too (on a little patch of grass) I decided that the best way for us to be level was if I laid down, so I did.

-"Look, Jake, I… well I heard what you told Edward the other day, I was watching from upstairs… and I want you to know that I understand, I understand why you are doing this."-she gestured between us-"I have to say that you did the right thing, I am not right for you, I´m broken… and I am sorry for the pain I have caused you, I know that it is wrong but I need you, after what happened you were my only friend and my sun"-she smiled sadly-"you will always be my sun, Jake. You made me feel so happy everytime you came around… but- you know when I heard you say that it was all your fault I couldn´t help but think: I´ve finally done it, I´ve finally pushed Jacob away… and I´ve never regretted anything this much… I am really sorry, Jake, I hope you can forgive me one day."-one single tear slid down her cheek-"you didn´t come to my wedding but you are here today and it means the world to me, because it is so much more important that you are here today… today I change…"

I have never wished to be human so badly before this. There were so many things I had to tell her. So I just stood up and went to a nearby bush, that I was sure would cover the lower part of my body, I became human again.

-"Bella, you don´t need to apologize, I brought this on myself. I was so stubborn, always trying to win you back, to make you realize that you could be better with me… but I realized too late that there was nothing that could be done: you love Edward and, as much as it pains me to say this, he loves you. I hope you are happy with him, you have eternity next to each other. And you are right, today you change, you leave _me_ behind…"

And I was a wolf again. I looked at Bella, who looked back with tears in her eyes before she closed them.

-"Jake…" she whispered.

_"I have your clothes with me, just let me shift and I´ll give them to you."_

I turned around and left her there, crying, holding her hands to her chest and whispering my name.

_I think you might have broken her heart._

I know.

Leah was waiting for me behind a bush and looked at me with pity in her eyes.

-"I´m sorry, Jake"

I sighed.

-"So am I"-I said as I put on the clothes she had brought me-"let´s go inside now, they are waiting"

* * *

**:O can you believe that? hehe what do you think he should do? **

**hey everyone! i just want to say that i´m sorry for making you all wait... but i´m here now :D and this one had been the longest chapter i have ever posted! i´m proud of myself (well who wouldn´t i´ve had like forever to write this... now that i think about it, i´m not that proud...) **

**well whatever i just wanna thank everyone who keeps reading this! and of course by lovely beta Ibella999 who keeps bearing with me and all my crazy dilemmas and well, craziness in general 3 (otro corazoncito, solo para ti!!!) **

**REVIEW! pretty please?**


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